The 4 year old tantrum!!!

I've read a ton of stuff saying that when one parents leaves for an extended period of time that children will find various ways to let you know they're upset about it.  I think my child has decided to show me this by throwing tantrums about everything!  I could be wrong it could just be the age, but I don't see other 4 year olds acting crazy in store like mine seems to.  The last few days in our household has been HELL.  Jaden has been becoming a little bit more bratty everyday since BJ left. For the most part I thought I had it under control.  I will now ammend that though and say I have lost all control.  Buggy has will scream and cry anytime she is told NO.  We aren't just talking crying on the floor for a few min. We are talking ear shattering, dropping to the floor flopping around, going into convulsion fit throwing.  I've become that mother in the store who has the child who touches everything, runs around like a crazy person and will scream and throw fits no matter where we are and who's around.  I feel like I failed somewhere. This is my fault she didn't do this when BJ was around.  She wouldn't dream of acting like that in front of Daddy.  So my first train of thought is to talk to my husband about it and see what he says.  BIG mistake HUGE!!!!  I get a lecture about how I'm to soft and I don't intimidate her like he does so she runs me over.  Ok while some of this might be a little true I don't want my child to be scared of me.  I'm not going to spank her every two seconds and scream at her.  How do you think she learned to scream and yell  in the first place.  Clearly that doesn't work for either of us.  It took me a while, but I finally came up with a plan I think will work.  We talked and I explained to her that she can't get upset every time she is told NO.  I let her know that I understand why she is upset, but screaming isn't doing any good.  Obviously this isn't the master plan as talking to a 4 year old and trying to reason with her is silly. Now here is the master plan.  Everytime she is told no and she has a bad reaction and begins to cry and throw a fit we take one of her Favorite toys and put it in the special bin.  That toy stays in until I feel she has earned it back.  I figured by the time we were done with the first day she wouldn't have any good toys left lol.  We started yesterday and I have to say it seems to be working.  She had 3 toys taken yesterday, but we had far less fit throwing.  The minute she realized a toy was gone she stopped crying.  She also was grounded from the TV yesterday.  We don't watch a ton of TV, but she does enjoy a show while eating breakfast and right before bed.  She was not happy she couldn't have that last night.  The store is a whole other story.  She was running everywhere yesterday to the point were I finally gave up and told her because of her actions we were leaving.  We got to the car and she was clearly upset, but not freaking out.  I told her she would not be going back to the store with anyone until she learned to behave like a nice girl.  I plan to stick to that for a while until the tantrums are few and far betweeen.  I am praying this will work because I don't want her to think crying will get her what she wants.  I also hope it teaches her to appreciate a little bit more the things she does have.  Wish me luck!