Do you ever have one of those days where you start out just fine, but it ends just crappy. I got up this morning in a great mood. Kids seemed to be in a good mood. We didn't have any immediate crying or anything. Really the whole day was good. I didn't get nearly as much done as I would have liked, but all in all not bad. Then 6pm hits. All of the sudden my kids were crying, my husbands was on the phone being a douche, and it just went down hill from there. I think my biggest issue was knowing tonight finally that I would not be homeschooling my kids. I've been doing research for months getting prepared for the conversation with my husband about at least giving me preschool and if that went well kindergarten etc. I knew he'd be very resistant, but I had know idea it would be this bad. He is so dead set against it its unreal. He just keeps going back to the fact that she won't know how to deal with peer pressure and bullying and being in a normal school environment. No matter what statistics I gave him, what solutions to the various issues he thought would come up he just sat there and told me no. Then he said it the real reason. " I don't think YOU can do it" Pretty much just said that he could get over all that other stuff, but didn't think I could properly teach our children. This may seem silly to some, but I feel as though I have been punched in the heart. I have spent the last 6 month supporting him and believing in him with this Army stuff. No one thought he could do it. Not his family not mine. I stood there and told him I knew he could do it. I knew he would excel. Never once did I worry he wouldn't be able to do it. I had faith in him and I feel like he has none in me. "Become a teacher with that piece of paper and then you can do it." Granted I know I'm not the smartest person on the planet, but I got straight A's in high school. I've done well in college and I am so committed to this I've even started refreshing on things. He still doesn't think I'm capable. I'm not sure where to go from that. There is a part of me that wants to say screw you and do it anyway and then there is the part of me that is hurt and beat down and just wants to say fine. If my own husband doesn't have faith in my why have faith in myself. So for now I'm just going to start sending JJ to preschool come fall and I'll continue to work with her like I have been. I pray that with all the moving we will end up doing and all the change she gets a good education and doesn't fall behind at any point. I guess we'll deal with that as it comes. In the end I'm just ready for April 23rd to be over and done.
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